In retrospect...

"We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us."

- Joseph Campbell

It is almost ironic that I chose this quote as the beginning of my first post because some might argue that I have never let go of any aspect of the life I have planned for myself. In terms of a career, I've wanted to be a doctor for as long as I can remember. Besides the traditional childhood career interest of being a teacher, a firefighter, or an astronaut, I have always maintained my goal of becoming a physician. Is it even possible to have never questioned my career path in the last 18 years of my life? At that point, was it even my own realization or an idea that was imprinted on my young, impressionable mind when I was sitting on the bed in India at the age of eight and my uncle said my older cousin was going to be a neurosurgeon, I was going to be a cardiothoracic surgeon, my sister was going to be a pediatric surgeon, and my younger cousin was going to be a gastroenterologist so we would be a family of doctors and I just never bothered to question if that was the path for me?

... as you can see there is a lot of unpacking to do there, and while I am 99% sure I will return to medicine, the remaining 1% makes me hesitant to further explore that nagging question. However, we will save that for another time as I try my best to continue evading the question. For now, let's return to the quote. So, is it true? Have I NEVER had to let go of the plan I had for my life?

Pictured from left to right: me - Stuti, my uncle - Vivek Bhatt, my sister - Prapti Pradhan, my older cousin - Saiyam Bhatt (not pictured: my younger cousin - Siddhant Bhatt)

Well, of course not. And it begins as early as ... well, probably as early as when I first developed the ability to plan. But, for the bigger picture, we are going to start in fourth grade. I was in Ms. Silva's class at Sequoia Elementary School and had two close friends who shared my love for Harry Potter and cupcakes. Yes, you read that correctly. We were very simple creatures back then. I also had a best friend - Ria Panda. We were inseparable and if you observed us together you would guess we were sisters. At that point in time:

MY PLAN

- spend time with my friends

- reread the Harry Potter books

- learn how to skip two monkey bars

- stay best friends with Ria

- get ready to move across the fence to Sequoia Middle

Ria and I caught in a candid photo Casey, Ria, me, and Mina dressed up for our

at a Baisakhi Mela Festival fifth grade promotion

Unfortunately, this did not go as I had expected. My parents bought a new house that fed into a good middle school and they did not see the need to drive 30 minutes every morning to reach Sequoia. Additionally, Ria told me that she was moving to San Ramon. I was devastated. My eleven-year-old self could not imagine how this situation could ever get better. Returning to the present, I try to imagine how my life changed when I went to Foothill Middle School instead. I met my new best friends that have supported me throughout my teenage years. I began performing various Indian dance styles in the annual multicultural rally and grew to love my culture. I had inspiring teachers that empowered me to continue pursuing my education and helped me reach UCLA. If I had not switched schools, I would have been an entirely different individual.

It is always simpler to analyze the effects of an event retrospectively. I am now thrilled to be able to introduce myself as Stuti Pradhan, a first-year, MIMG major at UCLA, a shockingly different emotion than fifth grade Stuti expressed when she learned she would be leaving all of her friends behind at Sequoia.

Similarly, when I was in middle school, I was tremendously involved in Leadership. Therefore, when I was rejected from high school Leadership, tears immediately came streaming down my face. It felt as though my identity had been snatched away from me. Now, as I reflect, I realize that not being committed to Leadership gave me the opportunity to join Sports Medicine, one of the most valuable and memorable experiences of my high school career.

From getting Leadership Awards with my best friend in eighth grade to covering the first football game of senior year with my other best friend

(to clarify, we are now a "best friend trio")

Over time, I have learned that there will always be positive and negative changes in my life. However, negative is not synonymous with backward. Every change leads to a new opportunity, the chance to reflect and grow, the ability to deconstruct yourself and ask those nagging questions. My successes and failures have led me to where I stand today in terms of relationships, academics, and morals. Acknowledging that truth is the most important and effective method to maintain your perspective and not be deterred by change.

Is this to say I am not disappointed with myself if I am rejected from an organization I applied to join? Definitely not. Do I still compare myself to others and feel insecure? Absolutely.

The difference in maintaining perspective is all about resilience. If you do fail, how do you react? I have learned to treat every failure as an opportunity to learn. Did I fail an interview? No worries, it just gave me some extra practice for the next one. Didn't do well on a quiz? It's alright, time to assess and improve my studying techniques. A single negative outcome cannot crumble my identity and sense of self-worth. Analyze, learn, move on. This mindset has allowed me to persevere and avoid being distracted by "setbacks" (in quotation marks because in my opinion there are no setbacks in terms of life experiences). I return to the game, stronger than before, and more prepared for the next challenge.

The only issue that remains now is how to implement this technique when you feel like you are facing defeat. I admitted that it is easier to look at an event optimistically in retrospect, so how can we deal with it in the moment? My personal favorite is journaling. Any time there is a life occurrence, positive, negative, or neutral, that is significant enough to evaluate, write it down or type it up. Emotions, actions, resolutions - everything can be included in a journal. Now, when you find yourself in a difficult situation asking yourself, "How do I maintain my perspective?", just open your journal and you will be well on your way.

Since we cannot stop change, our only option is to embrace it. Our lives are changing every moment with the decisions we make. Millions and millions of perfect and imperfect choices have led us to become who we are today. Knowing that, do not spend too much time and energy on any single event. It is only a single piece in the puzzle of your life.

Finally, this post leads me to consider the idea that if everything happens for a reason and a single event does not dictate my entire life, my interests and passions must be a result of a significant amount of experiences that led me in this direction. It would make more sense that my curiosity about the human body, the courses I have taken, and the extracurriculars I have participated in are more important in deciding my career path than a single conversation with my uncle. So, maybe medicine is right for me after all.

"Life changes, but I wouldn't change it for the world"

- Thomas Rhett